What’s Your ACE Score? (and, at the end, What’s Your Resilience Score?)
A stylish attacking midfielder, Herzog was well known for his ability to score stunning free-kicks. Benny and Sonya practice at his parent's house Sonya remembers seeing Doreen take Paul into the white room. Ten , Track March 5, - Women's Basketball No. The case is given new life when the victim's tank top is discovered in an abandoned van. Antidiotico , Track 5.
Suicide, Technology, and Acceptance. ACE score is 8 and Resiliency is 6. I identify with most everything said. I was also bullied mercilessly in middle school and never told anyone.
I would categorize my entire life as being engulfed with guilt, shame and never feeling good enough. I have been somewhat successful professionally but recognize all the ways I derailed myself — I could have accomplished so much more, given my intellect but I lacked a drive or belief in myself and am a perfectionist, which is a character flaw in itself.
I think being bullied had the biggest impact on the shame I grew up with. This program seems promising and am glad this study has been done. Thank you for sharing your experience. You are very brave. Continue to dwell on the positive things in your life. You are valued and important! Your experiences can help young people who are experiencing similartraumas.
I teach and find it rewarding to work with young people.. You talked about how being bullied has been the biggest impact on the shame you grew up with.
I know being bullied was my leap downward into a cycle of shame and of not being good enough EVER which continues to this day at 62 years old. Letting go of my past of pain that is merged into my soul; will always be with me as I work towards doing the best I can in life. Thanks for sharing your experience, you sound like a very sweet person. So I respect you a lot for searching for ways to feel better! One thing I would want to advise you is to always try to be as nice to yourself as you want to be to others, take care of your needs, watch them carefully, and forbid yourself to be hard on yourself.
It sounds easy, but maybe you could feel a little better about yourself. I think you deserve being well taken care of! Like Liked by 1 person. Acaravello, your post made me so sad.
Please know that you are a valuable and lovely human and nothing that has happened to you in your past can take away your worth. I hope you can find someone to talk to, and find the strength to find hope in your future. Improvising with what you have — Anxious Hands. My ACEs score was 9 and my resilience score was 8.
Explore Your Childhood Wounds! It was as I had always thought but this article just confirmed it…… Wish there was something like this in the UK. There are people in the UK working on this, too. Go to our companion social network, ACEsConnection.
I have been struggling lately. I took these tests and got a 7 on ACE and 2 on resiliency… now I know why. Can you get some professional help and support? It may prevent a lifetime of further trauma. I was surprised, but relieved.
It explained so much of my life, and it helped me accelerate my own healing. If you start changing your life to support and facilitate your health, it can help extend your life. I just want to send you some love. Hoping you find a kind community of people to be with when you journey into healing. I never would unless I walked in your shoes. Why not 4 or 3 years? What if the person was the same age but was bigger and stronger?
Other than the aforementioned issue, I respect the research done on the concept of ACEs. This has the potential to be truly groundbreaking in solving problems related to mental and physical health.
This has article has shed a new light on several of the issues I have in my life. Looking back, I somewhat understand more and more how I got to my current situation.
Perhaps the age has something to do with the person being in a perceived position of influence? I agree that any sexual assault should be counted, but I would have to say the reason for the age difference specification is because as children, we expect people who are older to be a force of guidence and potentially protection.
When that concept is violated, it goes past just the powerlessness and pain of the assault and can cause one to question everything they know about trust and security. Well thank you Maddie and Sheri for the good answers. But thanks to you both, I may have a better idea where they were going with that particular question. I think it should just be framed as anyone being able to assert any control over you.
Thank you for your tests and all of the informations. These informations have to be spread. But hopefully this will be mainstream one day. My ACE score 9 or maybe 10 — I would like to think that my mother had mental illness but I have no idea that she was ever diagnosed. My resilience score is 6.
I was able to take the high-achiever route for coping and today I pass well as coming from just your average background in my professional spheres. The insights here are very helpful and I plan to share them with my doctors as a screening tool. I have asthma, all the environmental allergies, and issues with chronic inflammation, which I attribute to a food intolerance or allergies am about to start a special inflammation reducing diet but am otherwise in good health.
Knowing that I am at increased risk and therefore screening conservatively for conditions could help maintain a good quality of life for me as I continue to age. I really appreciate this work and your efforts to publicize the work.
I have taken the ACE quiz many times. I score a 7 out of Today, I learned about the resiliency score. I scored a 9 out of Some answers I am just not sure about.
I have dealt with childhood sexual abuse, molestation some with a cousin , physical abuse, emotional abuse, my mom went to jail once. I lived with my uncle during that time. For the past 13 years she has ignored my pleas to reconnect, there was a mistake made on my part and she never forgave me. I hope that she did and was just mad.
I have spent my life making adjustments to my life. Making conditions, trying to make things acceptable. I smoked most of my adolescent and adult life, but have been able to quit 7 years and have no intention of going back to smoking EVER.
I gloss things over. I make it less important. I found a way to get through the trauma by justifying what happened. Now, I need to stop doing that and live my life. Like Liked by 2 people. I just ran across this and I do think my problems could be related. I was kidnapped at 18 months old from my abusive alcohol biological father by my mother to get me away from him.
After that we lived with my grandparents. I got the belt and a few other punishments but for the most part I know they loved me. When I was five my mother remarried to my molester. Once again we fled with just the clothes on our backs back to my grandparents. I was diagnosed with dyslexia at 6 years old. Was bullied in school. Once again, I hated school. I never felt good enough, low self-esteem. After a year there we moved to San Diego in a bad part of town.
In junior high I was beaten up by five people after school. Propositioned by many men as I walked home eight blocks. Numerous accidents by our apt. That I called for, car accidents, fires, etc. My step father was starting to try to get sexual with me and my mom tried to OD because of it. I dropped out of school at 15 and hid in our apt for a year.
Married an alcoholic when I was Just recently my same step-dad passed away, my mom is ill and lives in northern Illinois as I live in Florida. The car trip was awful, my daughter broke her ankle while we were on the road and by the time we returned my stomach hurt so bad I was transported the next day to the ER.
They found nothing but I was crying, shaking, depressed, diarrhea, etc. I lost 20 pounds in one month. Still having stomach aches and intestines problems so will be having a colonoscopy and a down the throat procedure done in a week. My scores were 4 and 8. Its seems you are possibly carrying your past hurts and stressors in your stomach as a manifestation. Ace score of 9 Resilience score 11, looking fully at present circumstances resilience score is now Social activities are important too, however I have learned to be very slow moving when it comes to new relationships of any kind.
One example of this is I used to make the mistake of moving in with a partner weeks or months into the relationship, and now I wait years. I now find I enjoy my own company best. Also for my own personal comfort, when it comes to the professionals involved in my care I seek out females whenever possible.
Ultimately I am the one who keeps me safe today. I have left a lot of abusive people behind. I know today that by not allowing people like that into my life is the number 1 thing in breaking the cycle of abuse that was my past. May I also suggest some art therapy? It can be a very powerful tool in overcoming trauma.
I wish you well. You can contact the American Art Therapy Association to find a local provider near you.
I do, however, have hope! Find a therapist you can trust! It is life changing! Like Liked by 3 people. My earliest memories were of different foster homes abusing me. Then around being reunited with my abusive alcoholic father. Mother was not present, ever. Within a few years, I noticed my older brother of 8 years being beaten. My mother attempted to save me from the trauma, but gave up to easy.
Then the state stepped in and worked their magic. My Ace was 9, minus the sexual abuse. I have developed a ritualized compulsive comfort seeking IV meth. Only now have a begin to talk with Mom on the phone.
What a wonderful world it is. You're a badass but depression and childhood trauma are holding you back - Mind-Body Clarity. My ACE was 6 and resilience was I am the product of a deliberate teen pregnancy. My mother wanted to drop out of school in the 10th grade. The only way her father would allow it was if she got pregnant.
She basically seduced my dad so she would get pregnant. My parents married three months before I was born. At the time of my birth my mother was 16 and dad was My dad was diagnosed with MS when he was Throughout my early years my parents were apart because dad would leave the coal mining area of VA where we lived to find better work. She would leave me with her parents and follow him. The first five years I lived more with my maternal grandparents than I did with my parents.
I have a sister who is 22 months younger than me. There have always been jokes about who her dad is because she looks nothing like me or our younger sister. She has a dark complexion and brown eyes. The younger sister and I are fair skinned and blue eyed, like our dad.
I have wondered if my sister has the same father. My earliest memory is of being about three years old. My parents both worked and my sister and I were left in our two room apartment alone all day.
There was a neighbor who was supposed to be watching us but all she did was bring us soup and crackers and water for lunch and leave.
I would eat the crackers and feed the soup to my sister because she was the baby and needed to eat. I remember one day we got bored and took the ketchup and mustard, they were in squirt bottles, out hof the fridge and squirted it all over the walls. When my parents came home I was beaten and made to clean it all up.
One day my maternal grandfather came unannounced to check up on us and when he found us alone, he packed us up and took us back to VA. There was never any doubt that my dad loved me. He would do whatever he had to so that we had what we needed. He played with us and gave us lots of hugs and cuddles. I never felt love from my mother. I always felt like the redheaded stepchild with her. I was regularly slapped, hit beaten with belts or whatever she could get her hands on. As I got older I was given more chores to do.
At eight years old I was expected to have dinner started by the time my parents got home. At 10 I had to have the dinner cooked and ready to put on the table the minute my parents walked in. After dinner I was usually given the chore of washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen.
The middle sister would have to dry the dishes and put them away. My sister and I were also responsible for doing the laundry and hanging it on the line regardless of how cold it was even though we had a dryer in the house.
The youngest sister was eight years my junior. From the time she came home from the hospital I was her basic caretaker. Her crib was in my room and I was the one that got up during the night to take care of her. Mother would do some of the daily care but the nights were my responsibility.
Actually that sounds pretty fitting since at three I was taking care of my other sister. The baby became my shadow and looked to me for comfort. Mother never wanted to spend any money on us kids. My sister was about 10 at the time. Dad even tried to get mother to take her to the hospital. We all loaded into the car and went to the ER.
When my sister was examined it was determined that it was her appendix and emergency surgery was needed. After the surgery, the doctor said that had we waited a little longer to get her there the appendix would have ruptured and she probably would have died.
These type occurrences were normal growing up. I do believe that there were no more cases as severe as this but still serious.
I was never taken to a dentist because my teeth looked good and looked nice and straight. I had sucked my thumb until I was seven years old. Looks could be deceiving. I actually had an overbite that got worse as I got older. My sisters were both taken to the dentist and the orthodontist. I had severe migraines and painful knees and legs and although it was mentioned to the doctor no additional treatment was given. At the age of 13 I was smoking cigarettes and secretly meeting a boy three years my senior.
He introduced me to the hippie lifestyle. I was soon smoking pot and drinking. I was good at hiding what I did and was able to make my mother think I was a perfect angel. So to make my mother think I was a goody two shoes I started seeing a guy was was probably one of the biggest nerds on campus.
He could come pick me up in his car but we had to be home before dark. He theory there was that after dark is when you can get into trouble. Little did she know that I was already doing all the things she was trying to prevent.
At 15 I was informed by mother that I would have to have a job at I was also responsible for all my clothes and school expenses. Basically she told me that she was not going to spend one more cent on me once I reached Until then I had always been told that I had no choice but to finish my education.
Her abuse and neglect continued until I was 17 and ended up pregnant by my then boyfriend. I left home in the middle of the night and went to his house.
The next day I called to let her know why I left. I was afraid she would beat me to death if I told her in person. She insisted that we get married. I was totally against it as was his mother. A couple of months later I miscarried. Four months into the marriage I moved out and in with a girlfriend.
I went back home for a couple of months long enough to save up some money to get my own place. At 17 I had my own apartment and lived on my own. First time in my life I was truly happy. I eventually got divorced and remarried and had two fabulous sons.
I totally distanced myself from my mother when she divorced my father and took everything but the clothes on his back. He was totally disabled and not able to care for himself but she left him all alone.
He left his wife to live with my mother. His daughters disowned him as well. I should have left it alone. She had little or nothing to do with my boys. She would be in the town we lived in and not even call or stop by to see them. Still the redheaded stepchild I had always been.
I have always felt unwanted. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 14 years ago. I also have degenerative disc disease, IBS, osteopenia, mild cognitive impairment, melanoma and other issues.
My middle sister is an alcoholic who has been married and divorced twice. The younger one has been married twice and divorced once and has turned so deep into her religion that she has to be at the church any time the doors might be open.
Each year it seems something else is added to my laundry list. ACEs score 4, resiliency score 7. My mom was a caring person but also bipolar. My dad was abusive. ACE score of 9 and resiliency score of 6. My childhood was not pleasant. I feel like I have conquered most of it though. I definitely agree that life is what you make of it. Adverse Childhood Experiences Big Thought. Bounce Back cultural atheist. ACE score of 6.
Resiliency score of My childhood was dysfunctional; my stepfather is a rapist and my older brother used drugs and was very violent with me. Nonetheless, my mother and father have always loved me and there were always other people looking out for me.
I credit those factors for making me into the functional, sober, and peaceful person that I am today. Sperma verlässlicher als Worte? Often, when I share a story about my childhood, I am called a liar or I am told to get over it. When I relate a story, I am not complaining or negative. It is simply sharing a story about something that happened when I was growing up, often in alightjearted way.
I removed myself from the bad situation as a teen. Life got better and hopeful. I completed college and had a good career. The sad thing is I am unable to honestly share stories without making people uncomfortable.
This adds some isolation to the situation. I do have many of the illnesses such as pituitary problems, overwork, overweight, etc. It confuses me in trying to figure out where to look for something to turn the physical health stuff around before it becomes worse.
One of the categories of self-care is to be in healthy relationships. Andrea, Please contact me Rosalind Preston writing a book would love to include your stories… Let me know… drrozpreston at icloud dot com moralsensitiveshealhumanity. I am someone who has been working on recovering from my childhood trauma for about 10 years now. I am amazed mostly by the resiliency score.
I used to give myself credit for being an overcomer though I had many unhealthy coping strategies but this test made me so grateful for all the supports I had! It reminds me that anyone can be a support for a struggling child. My ACE score was an 8 and my resilience score is a 9. I am an Alcoholic and an Addict. I attend AA regularly and have worked the steps with a sponsor. I also attend NA meetings occasionally.
I am grateful that my Higher Power lead me to AA and my amazing sponsor. Through working the steps I no longer have all the childhood resentments that I carried for so many years. I am learning to apply the principles of the program in my daily life and I would have never imagined my life would be so wonderful!
National Children's Day - Cyrenians. A rag or Mother? My ace score was 9 and my resilience score was I consider myself to have had a happy childhood. There were times when very bad things happened but there were more times when there were not. I remember being happy and playing with my sister. The depression can be difficult but I am always coming up with new strategies to combat it.
My goal is to be happy and have love in my heart for myself and everyone else. I do my best and believe the more love we have in the world the better.
I think you are blessed because of this, even though you struggle as well. I have an ACE score of 9. My resiliency score is 2. Given the statistics I have a good chance of developing heart disease, cancer, diabetes, or an autoimmune disease which I have — Hashimotos and arthritis.
I continue to read books on ACE as I need to get it together. I understand more now why I am the way I am. I have hated myself, felt unloved, undeserving of love, and value, felt guilty because i should have stopped it as I knew it was wrong, however i would have been accused of lying as i have been accused as an adlult when i came out with my story 8 years ago when my mother passed away.
I was cast out of my family as a result. I am 61 and am now very much alone. I have no family, but I do have a hand full of close girlfriends that have been with me for the last 16 years and a very accepting and loving church family who accepts me for who I am and love me in spite of my short comings. I am in weekly counseling working through the trauma I experienced as a child beginning with the molestation by my step brother when I was 5.
I have been sexually abused by 3 family members, I have been abused emotionally and physically. I was also neglected having no nurturing or love as a child. No hugs, kisses, bedtime stories or tucking in at night. My father was an alcoholic and my mother was bipolar clueless to the events going on around her.
My father often beat my mom in his drunken state in full view of us 4 kids. Though my older sister was only 5 years older than I, she stepped in as our carehiver as my mom spent most of my childhood in her bedroom. My sister was the mom doing what she could as a 10 year old, doing laundry so we would have clean cloths and cooking all of our meals. It was way too much of a burden for her, but she urged forward.
When she went away to college that responsibility fell on me at age I could go on and I but I think you get the picture.
I functioned as the older daughter in that capacity as a mom. Our mom had cancer and was on drugs. She abandoned the boys later after I was in college. I dropped out so the 15 yr old and 7 yr old lived with me. I diapered them so I had been their mom. I hope you understand the greT sacrifice your older sister didfir your family.
I am so sorry that you experienced such a crap childhood. I understand the damage it can do. Prayers that you find peace. My ACE score is 8 and resilience score is 7…. Everyday Trauma — The Nurture Foundation. Sooo, what does it mean? I had no negative events in my childhood and resilience only recalls support, love and caring events. I am very blessed. Based on my own childhood rxperience, I would agree that trauma does set the stsge for low self esteem and not loving yourself in a heslthy way as an adult.
I have always felt that I just did not try hard enough to figure this all out. I do keep trying new therapies and believe I can get there but I think basically I have a stubborn side. My siblings and I were abused in multiple ways by an aunt and uncle and our cousins very badly for over 10 years. In todays world they would be in jail. Parents dead before I was 8, one a murder, but they gave us a great beginning so we are pretty resilient. Not broken but badly damaged.
Metoo — Unapologetic Journey. What a great tool and an enlightening study. I hope this is recognized by childcare centers, schools, administration, healthcare, law enforcement, etc etc.
I do think reading some of the comments that there is a tendency to take the scores too literally. With that said, it is still a tool that can provide insight into how lives are acutely affected by childhood experiences. This is a great opportunity for continued professional development and continuing education for those working with children.
My past has made me stronger and who I am today. My ACE is a solid 8 perhaps a 9 if a mother involuntarily committed to a psychiatric facility is equivalent to prison.
The approaches outlined in The Deepest Well if I can remember correctly, sleep, nutrition, meditation, exercise, etc. I know this is a big question for an internet comment, but I feel like later-in-life treatment has been overlooked in the focus on children and trauma-informed care, which focus I applaud of course. I also worry about disclosing ACE score and trauma information to health providers — because ACEs are so strongly correlated with chronic health issues over a lifetime, it seems this information could be used in health records to deny insurance coverage or increase rates, or interfere with things like approval for organ transplants I understand depression itself can disqualify a patient for a heart transplant, for instance.
What I learned is that if you have a high ACE score, taking care of yourself is a full-time job all in itself. And when I do, life is so much better. And now, at nearly 70 years of age, I can catch myself when I start to backslide. I just figured out how to catch myself from backsliding in the last few months. I would never share my ACE score with any doctors. Telling them I have Anxiety or Depression is detrimental as it is.
I feel like that should only be shared with my therapist. I think if my doctor could blame my symptoms on an ACE score then I would never get any treatment.
I lost a brother to illness when I was 4, my father to a plane crash when I was 6 and my mother remarried a psychotic pedeophile who sexually abused us and she was killed by him when I was 8. We then endured 10 years of physical and mental abuse from an aunt and uncle. In todays world they would be in jail They continue to hold our parents possessions from us including wedding rings. I think the only reason I did not revert to drugs and alcohol is due to what I remember of our loving parents.
So I am understanding that is where the resiliency comes in. But I still cannot accept that all my illnesses are due to childhood trauma and what difference that makes. I am the only one of my 6 siblings working in therapy.
But even that is not enough. I am currently trying Hypnotherapy which is like peeling an onion. I have ah ha moments in remembering which causes me more issues. I read one book on this that seemed to say that unless we accept that our illness is from this ACE score than we would not get better.
Telling me I have no choice on accepting this is a repeat of the abuse in my childood. I would appreciate thoughts on this. I am willing to try new treatments but do so with reservations. I find myself wondering the same. It all caps at 4. I think I only new 1 or 2 people growing up that would have been under that score. I tagged a perfect 10, with a resiliency score of 3.
I do have many physical health issues. The way ACEs impacts them is through chronic disease. An Important tool to measure childhood trauma: Surely for a child, seeing their father being harmed can be just as damaging? There are, of course, many other types of childhood trauma — watching a sibling being abused, losing a caregiver grandmother, mother, grandfather, etc.
From me to we: To avoid such ACE incidences in our current families or community, we as an individual must changes our psychological perspective of our past and be a advocate for an environmental friendly behaviours. We have to do this and more. We have to really change our whole society. The hyper-competitiveness of our business communities creates massive stress on the human brain. When people learn that money is not the sole determinant of human worth and can accept and support one another unconditionally, most of these problems will heal and few new ones will grow.
Can rough childhood survivors beat the odds against a lousy life? I scored a rough 4 for my childhood and teenage years, but I feel like I could score 7 or so, with 5 resilience factors.
This clearly plays a big part in who I am today, and in how abusive I grew towards myself and my close ones during my teenage years. My parents talked about foster care or internship as communication went impossible. She was afraid of him, though he never hit her. I was very isolated, had barely no friends and acquaintances and no one in my family dared telling me my situation was critical: I just get better with time, but moreover I wish I was an insightful, calm and safe person, as appeasing and internally secure as my boyfriend.
If I was asked, I would say I score 7 at the test. I wonder if someone could give me his or her opinions. Could the events I enumerated in this message count as legitimate ACEs? Yes, you can count those other experiences as ACEs.
Subsequent to the original ACE Study, other ACE questions now included bullying, racism, witnessing violence outside the home, physical illness, etc. I believe those events count as legitimate ACEs. It is great that you are looking at this and getting a broad perspective of your early years.
Counseling can help your recovery to proceed faster that just doing it on your own. All of your experiences I have had and then some. All of this affects how we look at ourselves and what we think of ourselves. So give yourself permission to try different therapies such as the one I am trying now called hypnotherapy — no you are not hypnotized. I can now verbalize my anger at my aunt and uncle for the way the treated us where I could not do that in past years.
What you have is probably PTSD and it will take time. I tried antidepressants but could not tolerate them. I am considering anxiety meds now and take over the counter stress pills. But you need to be kind to yourself. My positive is that I had 6 and 8 years with my kind loving parents but their deaths were brutal and tragic and affected me horribly. Good luck with your journey and keep trying.
You will get there. What Oprah knows for sure about adverse childhood experiences. I have been estranged from my father for almost 10 years for self preservation and it has been nothing short of empowering. Ironically it was after that relationship ended that the panic attacks really kicked in. I find that having grown up in my particular environment has made me guarded. Many people cannot understand or relate so you chose friends cautiously.
After my parents divorced my mother was abusive and beat us severely. Because I was the oldest daughter of 6 I took the beatings for the others. The boys have problems in marriages because they did not learn to set boundaries.
And their wives take advantage of their abuse. They remarried It is a learned response, to trust. You have to restrain yourself from gushing when you have friends about the abuse. Some do not know what to say and can be indiscreet and cruel. I take a supplement that lowers cortisol The fight or flight syndrome. I am now I scored a 7 out of 10 on the Ace test almost an 8.
Question 7 leaves out mental abuse. I would have had an 8 with that one. At 40 I suffered from panic attacks. They came out of nowhere. I am married with three children. The exercise keeps me from needing medication. My sister was my support and still is to this day. Your past does not define you. I wish this had been around when I was younger. I was raised in a violent alcoholic family with codependent parents.
Struggled all my life with issues I now realize are result of this childhood dysfunction and trauma. My step children witnessed their mother hitting, slapping, kicking, and punching their father on a regular basis for several years, as well as screaming at him, throwing things at him, and then sometimes ignoring him for days.
I thought the same thing. I saw my father and my grandfather being abused by my mother. Eventually, as a teenager, I witnessed her abuse her own mother as well. All three of these people were kind and loving to us. I feel the statement should have been inclusive of any close family member being abused including grandparents and fathers. Locals Build Seward's Strength: What if you only experienced violence to the point that it left marks once, and on several occasions things were thrown at you hair brushes, wet-dry vac, etc?
But mostly the abuse was verbal and psychological, but also you were occasionally chased down with a car? But when it did, it was significant driving to friends houses drunk looking for me, getting very angry, etc. What if I definitely had enough to eat, and had clean clothes, etc. But I was always taken to the doctor or dentist as needed, etc. But, like…I also really felt like no one was there to protect me from my mom? What if the family member has an undiagnosed mental illness?
But certainly displays lots of symptoms of narcissism and BPD, possibly a light bipolarity? What about families with members who have cognitive disabilities present as well?? This test is confusing me, I think. I feel guilty about that possibility. I was constantly picked on and could never do anything right. I did experience some violence, but never to the degree where I was seriously hurt.
More so things like being violently thrown out of bed to wake me up in the morning, chasing me with a car, physically restraining me if I tried to leave the house, throwing things at me on occasion. So I did often feel really alone and I was angry and resentful because of that. But I do feel deeply affected by my family. I struggle with anxiety and depression. My relationship with my family continues to be strained. They have no plan for him and assume he will become my responsibility.
No one in my family has acknowledged my perspective, they probably never will. For years nearly every time she spoke to me it was about something I had done wrong, or something I had to do which I would probably do wrong. And a bunch of other shit. All of that stuff is wrong, right?
What about questions 2, 5, 8, and 9? I feel like I can say yes to those…but based on my descriptions does that count?? The answer is yes to all four questions. People who experience ACEs tend to minimize their effect. You may not be conscious of the effect, but your brain and body are. You sound like me. There were a lot of aspects in my home growing up that were absolutely fine and normal and that normality that was fairly prevalent and gave a sort of equalibrium to the whole of my childhood…or so I thought.
You mentioned your mom quite possibly had BPD. The older I got, the more bizarre and angry her behavior seemed. I was physically and emotionally abused by her as a teen especially. And my gosh, her anger and ire toward me for offenses that she literally made up in her head about me were epic and unbelievable …she continues to do this to this day.
Bottom line—what you went through was not normal, not nurturing and not healthy. I had to go through Christian counseling to realize my mother suffers BPD and abuses because she was abused. Perhaps this is your dynamic with your mother…. Sweetie you were abused in so many ways!
Your mother sounds like a very sick woman. Please find a competent and compassionate therapist so you can get insight into your past and how it affects you. I have dealt with it as well. C-PTSD is a condition of living with abuse over a long period of time as opposed to a one-time thing like Sept 11 or a car crash. The Lasting Effects of Hurtful Parenting. It sounds like you experienced severe emotional abuse! Your mother was not available to meet your needs and validate your feelings and instead made you feel bad about yourself and was looking for you to vailadate her.
The good news is that as an adult you are now aware of what you went through, that it was damaging and unacceptable!! So , now that you have awareness of how it impacted you, you can move forward with taking care of yourself, building your self confidence and learning to express your emotions.
The abuse I had from my mum was that she would use me as an emotional crutch, tell me everything she was feeling in her depression and I somehow got the feeling that I should try and make things better and that really scared me. She wanted me to be her mum. I still get a very bad trigger reaction around people who are upset.
So sorry for your experience. I completely understand your perspective. I sometimes feel like I use my upbringing as an excuse for my guarded personality. The one difference with her is that I was the bad kid and she was the good. Not reality but in the eyes of my severely narcissistic father. My mother had mostly checked out emotionally and used alcohol to get through her own trauma, my brother a drug addict, my oldest sister moved away and my oldest brother took his own life. My father was a master at making people believe we were something we were very much not.
I struggle with anxiety. The holidays are the worst. I always end up with a phantom illness. My parents eventually divorced thank God but my mother still struggles to connect emotionally. It was a cold, emotionally void upbringing. I have not spoken to my father in ten years. With that said, I am quite the opposite with my own children.
I have their back. I love them openly and hugs are regular. My few very good friends know my past and love me and support me. Not many could understand and embrace it so I chose wisely. People are can be very judgmental. Your life was yours. You are seemingly in the same boat. Narcissists use Triangulation to manipulate the group. The chosen ones are loved but the one on the outs becomes the victim.
I was often the victim. You have been the victim. Your mother should never belittle you. She certainly let her frustrations out on you but it can only control you forever if you allow it to. Everyone is worthy of love and happiness. Foods are ranked on a scale of , with the most nutrient-dense cruciferous leafy green vegetables scoring It is also important to achieve micronutrient diversity, not just a high level of a few isolated micronutrients.
Eating a variety of plant foods is essential to good health. It is important to include a wide assortment of plant foods in your diet to obtain the full range of nutritional requirements.
Include onions, seeds, mushrooms, berries, beans and tomatoes as well as greens in your diet. For your good health, take a minute to evaluate the quality of your current diet and learn which foods you need to consume to improve it.
To determine the ANDI scores, an equal-calorie serving of each food was evaluated. The following nutrients were included in the evaluation: For consistency, nutrient quantities were converted from their typical measurement conventions mg, mcg, IU to a percentage of their Dietary Reference Intake DRI.
For nutrients that have no DRI, goals were established based on available research and current understanding of the benefits of these factors. To make it easier to compare foods, the raw point totals were converted multiplied by the same number so that the highest ranking foods leafy green vegetables received a score of , and the other foods received lower scores accordingly.
For over 25 years, Dr. Fuhrman has shown that it is possible to achieve sustainable weight loss and reverse heart disease, diabetes and many other illnesses using smart nutrition. In his medical practice, and through his books and PBS television specials, he continues to bring this life-saving message to hundreds of thousands of people around the world.
All material provided on the DrFuhrman. Consult a physician regarding the applicability of any opinions or recommendations with respect to your symptoms or medical condition.